My Experience Dating Colombian Women in Medellin (UPDATED)
I have been on a quest to find my perfect Colombian woman match. In this post I go over my experience: what works best and what doesn’t.
Medellin women are beautiful, and word is spreading pretty much around the world. Therefor, I have decided document my experience. I have been dating Medellin for over 5 years now. When I first arrived here, there wasn’t yet a complete guide to dating paisa women. I had to learn everything from experience, and it’s been a blast.
NOTE: I wrote this post about my experience dating women in Medellin back in April of 2013. Over the past 5 years I’ve dated many Colombian women and I frequently update this post.
Places frequented by tourists in Medellin are more saturated with foreigners than before. Hot Medellin girls are not the sole reason for this rise in tourism to “The City of Eternal Spring”, but it is definitely up there.
I am aware of the underworld of sex tourism in Colombia and I am aware that there are many strip clubs, and brothels in Medellin. Strippers and hookers are not the type of girls that I date, so I will not be referring to that in this post.
My Unique Perspective on Dating Medellin Women
I look Colombian!
My situation is a little different than most foreigners here in Colombia. I am actually Colombian, my family is Colombian, and more importantly (aside from my height, 6’2″) I look Colombian. I have lived my entire life, barring the past 5 years of course, in Southern California. At first glance Medellin women do not perceive me as a foreigner due to the way I look. So I do not have that instant “gringo effect” on them.
The “gringo effect” is the reaction a foreign guy gets from girls here in Medellin. It is an immediate sense of curiosity that some Colombian women have upon meeting a foreigner. Most of my close friends here in Medellin are foreigners and I have seen girls break their neck checking them out as we walk down the street.
So I do not get that immediate attention here in Medellin. Actually, I got more instant attention in Southern California; the “Latino effect.” The only thing that makes me stand out to women here is my height, thank God for that one tall great uncle!
How I Meet Women in Medellin
Meeting women in Medellin is not hard. Socially, women are a little different than the southern California women I was used to picking up.
1. Nightclubs in Medellin
It is not usual for women in Medellin to go out by themselves just to let loose. Typically, very beautiful girls in Medellin will go to a bar or a nightclub in a group, and there will be guys in that group usually. For an emasculated man from the United States this is a nightmare. Penetrating that group of friends, playing “the game” in order to get to your “target girl” is hard work, and sometimes does not work if you don’t speak Spanish well enough for her to understand.
Many guys who come to Colombia cannot pick up girls in their own native language let alone in Spanish and some even have the audacity to say that the women here are just “gold diggers” or “too difficult” and that is not accurate at all.
Here in Medellin you do NOT need to play that game. Medellin nightclubs are for dancing, so it’s very easy to go up to a woman in a noisy disco, put out your hand, gesture for her to take it, and start dancing. I do this often, and many times I will dance one or two songs without even saying a word. Imagine, our hands are on each other’s bodies before even knowing each other’s names.
More often than not I’m not even interested in talking to the girl; I just want to dance and have fun. I get in there and leave silently. Amazingly, when I do that women are more attracted than when I start talking to them while dancing. A certain amount of negligence after making an impression piques a woman’s interest, it is the whole psychological framework of the type of women who wants a strong man (check out this great article on Psychology Today by Gina Barreca, Ph.D.) I started to read about this subject back in high school. It is not about being petulant or rude, it’s about being confident (comfortable in your own skin.)
2. Living life in Medellin
I meet women in Medellin by just living my life. Every day I see gorgeous women walking up and down the street. I go to the supermarket and I see beautiful women, I go get my hair cut and there’s a breathtaking woman, I go eat lunch and I see an amazingly attractive woman. Do not even get me started on the gym, it is almost like a circus sideshow in there. Seeing beautiful women here is so common that Colombian men don’t even turn to look, it’s ridiculous. I’ve been here 5 years and I’m still floored at some of the women in my gym!
On the street I am usually attracted to women who look as if they are on their way to an office job. Generally, these women will be dressed formally, but fashionably. I can tell they are going to work because normally they will have a badge around their neck or pinned to their shirt or pants.
These are higher quality women than those you find in a reggaeton dance club, so for me it’s more fun to talk to this type of women, being that I always have interesting things to say and that I am generally curious and ask lots of questions (Women in Medellin, like most people in the world, like to talk about themselves.)
Professional women who are educated and have an active daily routine are abundant in Medellin. This type of woman works a lot so it’s not easy to wrangle them down and have them go out with you often, and for me, that’s perfect because I too am always busy. In Medellin you will also find a lot of beautiful, smart women who have their own business or work independently. Being an entrepreneur my self this is a trait that I fancy.
Paisas are generally very proud, generous people and this “professional woman” is no exception. This is the type of woman that will discuss politics, religion, fashion, etc, and at the end of the date pull out her wallet and offer to split the bill and sometimes even pay for the whole meal.
It always annoys me when foreigners say that they always have to pay when they go on dates with Paisa girls, blaming the women and saying that Medellin women only want to take advantage of them. There’s a saying here in Colombia “Papaya dada, papaya partida.” Meaning that “if you look like a sucker you’re gonna get played like a sucker.” So don’t blame the women when in fact it’s your lack confidence that makes you “el bobo.”
3. Teaching English
I teach English here in Medellin. Though I have a business and I have not worked a “regular job” in a few years; teaching English in Medellin has been the best move I could have made for my social life. I do NOT date my students. I am very North American in that regard. Though dating students in Medellin is not uncommon and sometimes not even frowned upon, it is definitely not acceptable in the United States, so I draw a line and never cross it. I am the leader in my classes and dating a student can get messy; I can lose all credibility and position in class, so I avoid it all together.
I do however go out with groups of students and/or colleagues in order to make friends and meet new people. Students will add me on Facebook and then their friends and cousins will add me. That has served to be an abundant source of women here in Medellin. Facebook is huge here, and striking up a conversation via facebook messenger after being added is not hard.
Women in Medellin are Shy
Most Medellin girls are pretty shy by nature. You have to understand that even though Medellin and the metropolitan area has around four million inhabitants it is still a small town. Medellin is a conservative city which is very much in touch with its old traditions and customs. Family life is very traditional. Gender rolls are also very conservative and defined, so logically the women here, for the most part, are timid (until you get some alcohol in them and play some reggaeton, but we will get to that in a later blog post.)
This inherently coy personality could make it difficult for a foreigner, who doesn’t speak much Spanish, to gain a girls interest. Even for a fluent Spanish speaker I have found it frustrating some times. Many a time have I given up on a girl only to find out later that she was very interested.
One night stands
One night stands with women in Medellin are not very common for me. I definitely experienced more of this living in southern California than here in Medellin. A foreign looking guy could probably have a very different experience. Not to say I haven’t had them here, but not as much as I did in the U.S.
Honesty and Jealousy
I have found that my best pickup move is being honest with women in Medellin. Letting them know right away that I work a lot, and that my business goals are my primary focus has proven to be a key factor when dealing with women here.
In my opinion men and women in Medellin are possessive. They view their boyfriend or girlfriend as their possession, and they want to be viewed as a possession as well. So jealousy can get out of control. As an English teacher most of my students’ ages range from 18 to 30 and there are always more female students than male. I love to ask my female students what they think of men in Medellin. It’s always pretty clear that women think that men are cheaters. It’s always noted that men in Medellin say anything to get a girl to fall for them.
There is a whole culture around having a “mosa,” in Medellin. It is almost expected for a man to have a chick on the side. So it’s no surprise that women become possessive and are quick to suspect a guy of sleeping around. I avoid this by being honest and direct.
Grooming and Wardrobe
This grooming and wardrobe section I just put in today (05/03/16). I had to include it because I meet far too many guys that are just clueless. So let’s go over some fashion faux pas (the don’ts) first.
Colombian Men Fashion Don’ts:
- Don’t wear flip-flops (open toed shoes) if you want to pick up girls in Medellin. It’s ok on the coast, but here in Colombia, for some reason, women think it is gross.
- Don’t wear shorts. During the day it’s okay, as long as they are not board shorts (beach shorts). Stylish shorts that come down to the knee or just above work well. It can get very hot during the day in Medellin, yet the majority of local men wear pants. Do NOT wear shorts to go out clubbing at night, they will not let you in. Melissa over at Medellin Living wrote a great piece on men’s fashion in Medellin.
Colombian Men Fashion Do’s:
- Do groom. This means plucking your nose and ear hair. The nicely groomed half-beard is in these days, so that’s ok.
- Do shave your arm pits. I still don’t do this, but you will not meet a Colombian guy that doesn’t, hence many Colombian women expect this. In fact many shave their arms and sometimes legs too. I still think it’s pretty…feminine, therefore I don’t do this. As long as your not super hairy you’re fine.
- Do tuck your shirt in when you go to a fancy club. Again, this is something that I do not do, but local males do this and women respond to it.
- Do take a shower. You will not get laid if you stink.
- Do brush your teeth. Colombians are obsessed with teeth. If you’ve got nice teeth this can be a great defining quality to women here.
- Do wear cologne. They love that here. Most local guys douse themselves in it.
- Do look sharp at all times. I’ve gotten in the habit of looking decent at all times, even when going to the gym or basketball practice. I’ll always carry an extra shirt, toothbrush, deodorant and body spray…because you never know whom you’ll run into on the Metro.
Dating Websites and Apps
Updated 04/01/16 – I had to put this in because several of you have asked about it. When it comes to Dating Agencies I personally have never used one, therefore, I have no recommendations, I do know that there are a few out there that do a good job. I’ve met guys that have used them and have met great girls. In my opinion, it’s a great way to meet women without having to do too much work, also if your Spanish is limited, I can see how it can get your foot in the door. But just like anything else, at the end of the day, it’s just you in front of that girl, hence it’s all up to you and your personality.
I buckled down last year and got a Colombian Cupid dating site account (disclaimer: I’m not trying to push Colombian Cupid; that’s annoying. If you’re not interested in hearing my experience on the site just scroll down.)
I never felt the need to get an account because I meet so many people through my language exchanges and just living my life here in Medellin. Nevertheless, I subscribed for 3 months and gave it a whirl.
In 3 months I went on about 20 dates from Colombian Cupid. It was pretty amazing. Out of the 20 I became friends with 8 of the girls and we still hang out.
I found that the key to “matching” was to build out my profile really well. What does that consist of?
- Picture – I had a great picture taken by my photographer friend, that’s the one I use as a profile picture. The other 4 pictures are pictures of me doing the things I love to do: playing basketball, watching Colombian soccer matches, having fun with friends, teaching, etc.
- Description – I’m a very blunt and honest person. In my profile description I wrote about myself in that way. Stating that I am from California, but that I am Colombian, that I am always busy working, playing on my basketball team, and exploring Colombia. I wrote this in both English and Spanish.
- What I want – In the part that asks what I’m looking for I was very straightforward. I wrote: ‘I’m looking for a serious relationship, but if it doesn’t work I’m always open to making new friends. My ideal girl is someone that will motivate me and inspire me every day. If your profile says “soy una princesa” please do no contact me.’
Once I had my profile built out over 90% (there’s a metric) I started messaging. I’m in sales, therefore, it’s all in the numbers. I’m not a handsome blue-eyed, blond-haired guy so I know my strength is my gift of gab. So I made a goal to message 100 women.
At first, I started by writing a funny, short message. That bombed for me…I don’t know why, but it just didn’t get any replies. So I put myself in the shoes of a paisa girl looking for a long term relationship on Colombian Cupid, and I found my secrete sauce.
My first message was a compliment about something they wrote on their profile, not about their looks. Thus, I had to take the time to read their profiles and make a comment about something they wrote. It took more time, but the success rate skyrocketed. Here’s the formula I found:
- Do not click on the little heart to show interest. Very beautiful women get that every minute of the day.
- Read profiles and make a compliment or a relevant comment.
- If they don’t have a bio written out, I don’t write to them. If they don’t take the time to write out their bio and what they’re looking for then they are either too shy, not looking for something long term or it’s a fake profile for a prostitute or webcam girl.
Once I had a good message exchange I would go to my filter, Facebook. Once I had them on facebook I was able to see all of their pictures, and they were able to see all of mine. Once we were keen on each other I would ask for the date. If you don’t live in Colombia, you can do a skype video call.
I’ve written a post titled, My Experience Using Colombian Cupid. Feel free to read it and leave a comment there if you have any questions.
I did a bit more research on the Cupid Media company and found that they’re all over the place, even Russia and all of Latin America!
I have recently downloaded the Tinder and Happn application for my smart phone. I have friends that swear by them; they go on dates all the time. For me, I’ve had very limited success. I’m going to give it another try, I’ll come back and update this post.
Dating Tours in Medellin Websites
Many guys have asked me about dating tour agencies in Colombia. Thus I have added this section.
Over the last six years I’ve seen many of these come and go. They’re short lived for a few reasons, namely they either get shut down by Colombian authorities for licensing, taxes or illegal activity (usually prostitution and scamming customers) or they get muscled out by the local mafia that has a grip on prostitution.
One of the sites that has withstood the test of time is DreamConnections.com. This is a an actually dating agency that sets up dating tours in Medellin and is completely legitimate. I came across the site when I saw a story featured on CNN then on the Today Show. I did more research and found out that the business is owned by an American, Mark and his Ukranian wife, Anne.
What really surprised me was when I actually met three guys (three different occasions) here in Medellin that were here for a week with a Dream Connections tour and they all had great things to say. The way I met them was through a friend that was working as a translator for the company.
He no longer works with them, he actually branched out and has become a concierge and property manager. Anyway, when I met them, my first question was “what are the women that they set you up with like?” They all had a similar answer. The women were all professionals, lovely and not professional working girls.
I’ve never used this service, but over the last six years it is the only dating tour site that has not only lasted, but also thrived. It’s probably due to the owner, Mark, and the company values.
Colombian Girls are not Gold Diggers!
I’ve heard many foreign guys complain that they always get hit up for money (or things) by girls here. After six years of living here in Medellin I have discovered that most of the guys that get asked for cash or things are guys that try to date prostitutes.
Don’t be Captain Save a Hoe!
Even though it might look enticing because they are beautiful, charming and down to earth…very rarely will you be able to turn a “hoe into a housewife.” You will be taken advantage of and you’ll resent Colombian women.
It’s not fair to generalize 25 million women because of a few bad apples. Instead go out and try to meet a normal girl perhaps at the mall, at the bank, at a cafe, etc.
UPDATE 9/10/15 – Dating Jessica
I dated Jessica for a couple of months, but things just did not work out. Mostly because she had to go to Bogota for her internship and it was really hard to keep the relationship going long distance.
She’s an amazing girl: very hard working, independent, entrepreneurial, and very sweet. I’m sure that many guys would say that I’m nuts for not keeping her, but that’s just the way it is some times, just gotta keep moving forward and not look back.
Today, I’m actually super interested in another girl here in Medellin. She’s also very hard working, she’s more of a loose cannon than Jessica, meaning she’s a little more extroverted and opinionated, but that’s exactly the kind of girl I like. I’m definitely taking it slower with her, have been on 2 dates with her and kissed her only once. I’m making a conscious effort to be a complete gentleman and to get to know her well.
With the cheap plastic surgery here and the obsession with outward appearance it’s easy to get caught up with a very “artificially” beautiful girl, but I’m well passed that point. So I’m very happy to have met Monica and we’ll see where it goes. I’ll update soon.
UPDATE: 04/15/16 – Seeing Monica
I’m no longer seeing Monica. I’m not seeing any one girl right now. I’m just working very hard on my business and on a real estate project. I have made a lot of new friends though, and that’s always good. I will update in detail soon. For now, feel free to leave comments below, as you can see I’m pretty good at replying.
UPDATED: 09/06/16 – Bank Teller Anecdote
I’ve been super focused on my business, we’re opening up an office here in Medellin, we’re a digital marketing agency, Red Door Studios S.A.S. This has led me to go on far less dates than before. I do have a nice little anecdote though.
I was at the bank the other day and I had to do a transaction at the teller. I was not really paying attention, but when I was called to the window the girl that was helping me was absolutely gorgeous. I smiled and said hi, then asked her how she was doing. I think she was taken aback because not many people actually ask her that.
She said she was doing good and I told her that she must be new because I hadn’t seen her working at that branch. She said that they usually move them around. I told her that I needed to make a deposit, we proceeded with the typical transaction details.
As she was inputting data into the computer I told her that I thought it would be against bank policy for her to give me her phone number, therefore, I’d come back when she got off. She said that would be fine. As I walked away I stuffed the transaction receipt into my pocket and walked into the Exito (supermarket) to buy groceries.
My day was so full that I didn’t even eat lunch that day. Come 5:30 p.m. I had totally forgotten about the beautiful teller and proceeded to go play basketball as I usually do. When I got back home I remembered the girl. This has been my life for the last few months: business and basketball (I play on 2 teams here in the city) and admin the Medellin Basketball Association basketball group.
As I was getting ready to go to bed I emptied out my pants’ pockets. The deposit receipt was there and to my surprise…on the back…she had written her phone number. I immediately added it to my phone and sent her a whatsapp message, telling here that I had missed her after work because I got caught up with work and then I went to play basketball. She replied that it was fine, we exchanged a couple more messages and have been speaking since. We should be going out this weekend.
UPDATE 12/14/16 – Everyone’s Single in December
It’s the middle of December and Christmas in Medellin is in full swing. Every weekend is a party and everyone is single, even girls with boyfriends are single in Medellin.
My favorite thing about December in Medellin are the street parties in different neighborhoods. The whole block is closed off and very loud music is played, food is cooked, and dancing and drinking continues into the middle of the next day.
Recently I reconnected with a girl who has been an acquaintance for more than a couple years now. She’s pretty and smart, but has always had a boyfriend since I’ve known her. Last weekend I went on a Christmas Chiva (party bus), and there she was, with a different guy. I just said hi and hung out and danced with the girls I came with.
After 2 hours of riding around town while drinking and dancing we talked. Low and behold she’s single. We danced for the rest of the night, then once the chiva dropped us off we continued talking (I blacked out for a good part, but I remember most of our conversation.)
This was last Saturday, it’s Wednesday today, and we’ve been talking on Facebook. Even though I’ve known her for 2 years, I didn’t really know here. It turns out that she works for the public utilities company here, EPM, she’s an architect and her passion is dancing and is part of team. She also lives alone and is quite intelligent.
Regardless of what happens with her I think she’ll be a great friend to have.
On another note, I found a video that I had made with a Paisa friend of mine where I asked him questions about women in Medellin. Check it:
UPDATE 01/25/17 – Dani on Colombian Cupid
Well the girl that I started to see in December has become just a friend. I really liked her a lot, but she did something that kind of confused me.
A couple weeks ago, she wrote me on WhatsApp. She wrote that she had been talking to her ex-boyfriend and that she was thinking about getting back with him. Mind you this is after we had already been out on several dates and gotten physical.
I told a friend about what she had said and he said that maybe she wanted to test me, to see if I’d get angry and tell her that she’s mine or maybe she was just being honest with me. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and went with thinking she was being honest.
I wrote her back and told her that I really liked her, but that she needs to do what makes her feel happy and that I still wanted to be friends, that I’m still here for her whenever she wants to talk or go dance bachata/salsa.
She hasn’t written me since. lol. I guess she wasn’t bluffing.
In lieu of being…dumped (we were never actually dating, but…still), I decided to reopen my Colombian Cupid Dating Site account. I talked to a few girls, but nothing special.
Then came Dani.
She is 21 and hot. At first I thought, eh she’s too young…even though her profile stated that she likes guys between 25 – 35 I still didn’t think we’d have much in common or to talk about.
Regardless, I sent her a private message. Shortly after she replied and we started to exchange messages. Ultimately I got her phone number and added her to WhatsApp.
We went on our first date last Saturday. Thanks to my notes I know that her favorite food is Italian, so I took her to a great restaurant called IL Castello in el poblado. I had the Fettuccine Alfredo (very good.)
After that we went for cocktails at a cool restaurant/bar called 37 Park near parque lleras, where we had a jar of white wine, lychee Sangria.
By this time I could totally feel the chemistry, so once we were done with the Sangria we headed over to Vintrash for dancing. Wow, can this girl move, I was floored. By the end of the date we had connected very well through conversation, and physically through dancing and lots of kissing.
I would have to say that it was the best date I’ve had in a long time. I’m looking forward to seeing her more and to see where this all goes.
Update 03/27/17 – Still Seeing Dani
It’s been 3 months since I last updated. I’ve been “seeing” Daniela this whole time and it’s been great. The best part about it is that she’s been adamant about not wanting a boyfriend, so I’m still free, thank god almighty!
So hanging out with Daniela has made it clear to me that it is possible to find a girl that is 21 that’s hot, that I can actually have a conversation with and that works and studies. We do have some clashes on things…like her wanting to spend all weekend just “resting.”
Yeah I’m kinda weird I guess, many might say, why wouldn’t you want to be laying around with her all day?
To be honest, I get bored. I usually do stuff on weekends like play basketball. I play on two different teams in a couple tournaments and I play pick up as well. Or just going to Ciudad Del Rio to eat at the food trucks. Or going out with a group of friends to a bar or a club and having a fun time.
It seems like I’m more energetic than she is, but we compromise. Plus it’s not like I see her every day or all weekend. Regardless, I’ve been having a great time with her.
A couple of weekends ago we went to a finca (country house) on the lake at Guatape with a few friends. We had lots of food and drinks, swam in the lake, played soccer, pet the cows and had an awesome time.
As for other girls?
Well I really haven’t been looking, but it’s funny how when you’re not really looking they kinda find you. Perhaps it’s the nonchalant attitude, or the no pressure attitude. Whatever it is, it’s working well and I haven’t had any problems getting dates on weekends.
I’ve found some awesome new date spots that I wanted to share:
- Bolivar Dance Club – this place is a great if you want to take a girl out dancing. It’s a little more upscale so you should definitely wear nice clothes. The music is right up my alley, hip hop and reggaeton most of the time. NOTE: it’s 23 and over, I tried to go in there with Daniela and we were denied at the door.
- Victoria Regia – an awesome lounge/bar/restaurant. Perfect for a date. They sometimes have live music, so check their events.
- Eden Bistro – Korean food! Yes, finally a real Korean restaurant. Granted that many Colombian girls might not be as adventurous when it comes to food…this place is casual and fun. They also have cocktails and beer in case your date is not into the food.
- Mercado Del Rio – This is definitely a fun place to go to. It’s a big market style eatery that was basically built in a hangar. There are tons of restaurants (mostly barbecue style) inside including a wine bar, a couple cafes, and a dance club on the third floor. It’s a great place for a date or just to go hang out with friends.
If you go through this blog you’ll see that I love to write about many different topics. Not surprisingly this post generates 80% of all my website’s traffic. The keyword: “Colombian women” is searched for over 40,000 times a month, and this blog post is now on the first page of results.
It is not my intention to degrade or generalize Colombia women. I find that dating in Medellin is an interesting topic and I think I have a pretty unique view.
Medellin is a beautiful city with a lot to offer. Unfortunately its reputation precedes itself and most people think that it’s just a place to find hot, beautiful, easy women, but when they get here they’re faced with a harsh reality. My intention is to show how these stereotypes are not true, how diverse dating can be in Medellin, and of course how interesting the Paisa woman is.
I think I covered some very relevant basics here, but if you’re actively meeting women in Medellin (or would like to start), Dating Medellin has produced an excellent course that covers everything. I highly recommend it.